Confessions of a Dust Bunny: Tales from Under Your Couch
Hi.
It’s me.
The dust bunny under your couch.
You probably haven’t seen me… but trust me, I’ve seen you.
You think I’m just a puff of fluff that escaped your vacuum.
But I’m more than that. I’m a survivor. I’m a collector of memories, crumbs, and secrets.
I’m… a historian of your home.
What I’ve Witnessed Down Here
From my quiet little hideaway beneath the couch, I’ve seen it all.
The night you dropped popcorn during that movie marathon — don’t worry, I took care of those kernels for you.
The great sock escape of 2023 (yes, it’s still here… and yes, it’s enjoying retirement).
The time you swore you’d “just do a quick tidy” but somehow forgot I existed.
I’ve seen coins roll into my lair, Lego pieces vanish forever, and enough pet hair to knit a small jumper.
My Squad
I’m not alone.
I hang out with the hallway hair tumbleweed, the mysterious paperclip that’s been here since before the new carpet, and the plastic bread tag you didn’t even know you dropped.
Together, we’ve formed a community.
We’ve lived in peace… until that day.
The Monster Above
Some call it the “vacuum cleaner.”
I call it The Roaring Beast.
One moment I’m napping, the next I hear the deep hum of my doom. It gets closer, hungrier, more determined.
And then — WHOOSH — my friends disappear.
But don’t worry. I always find a way to rebuild.
I always come back.
Until…
The Day Everything Changed
I thought it was just another cleaning day — a quick pass of the vacuum, maybe a lazy swipe with the broom.
But then… they moved the couch.
And I saw them.
The Professionals.
Gloved hands. Heavy-duty tools. The smell of fresh, clean citrus.
They didn’t just take me away — they took everything. The crumbs, the coins, the cobwebs.
For the first time in years, my home was… empty.
Why You Should Care
Here’s the thing. I’m not just a quirky puff of dust.
I’m a breeding ground for dust mites, allergens, bacteria, and all kinds of sneeze-inducing nasties.
Let me grow big enough and I’ll make you cough, sniffle, and itch.
How to Defeat Me (For Good)
Move your furniture — at least every few months.
Vacuum with the right tools — a crevice attachment is my kryptonite.
Get a professional deep clean — it’s the only way to make sure I’m gone for good.
Signed,
Your Former Dust Bunny 🐇
(Currently in Witness Protection, a.k.a. the vacuum bag.)
P.S. If you want to make sure I never return, call Opal Premium Cleaning Co.
We’re the couch-moving, corner-finding, deep-cleaning experts who leave no dust bunny behind.